A few years ago my former colleague at The Oklahoman newspaper, Richard Mize, lamented the demise of the metal coffee can. The coffee industry eliminated the once ubiquitous coffee can and replaced it with plastic cans or closable pouches.
“Where will we put our bacon drippings?” Richard asked.
Good question, Richard. The coffee industry was totally unconcerned about the fallout in households across the nation where bacon grease was stored in empty coffee cans. How dare they.
Anyway, I see a similar crisis brewing in American households. Newsprint is rapidly disappearing from our driveways and kitchen tables.
Instead of picking up our actual paper from the driveway each morning, Americans are more likely to read an online version — or, more disappointing, not read any newspaper at all.
Earlier this year I wrote about the decline of my first newspaper employer, the Southwest Times Record in Fort Smith, Ark.
In fact, I’ve seen firsthand the impact the shortage of old newsprint has had on my neighbors in recent years.
Since I am virtually the only print subscriber of The Oklahoman on my street, a neighbor twice asked me for my old newspapers to use for packing before she moved and again when her daughter moved into her own apartment. I gladly shared my bounty of old newsprint.
So this leads me to the point of this post: how we’re going to miss the many ways old newspapers are used around the house — or used to be. Here are a few:
- As liner for a birdcage (now that’s low-hanging fruit, I know).
- As fish wrap (a common newsprint stereotype).
- Lining the floor next to an outside door when potty training your puppy. It worked on my now departed Boston Terrier decades ago.
- Packing in preparation to make a move (see example above)
- Creating pirate hats. As children, my sister and I learned to fold the newspaper into the most awesome pirate hats we could imagine. We proudly wore them around our house or paraded through the neighborhood.
- Making kites. My dad made a newsprint kite for me when I was about 10 years old, and it actually flew as well as the store-bought kind.
- As floor liner when doing a paint job or an art project.
- Newsprint is great as backing on a counter when you are cutting a watermelon, then wrapping the rinds before throwing them out.
- Packed away in your closet or attic to hold on to keepsake articles for the memories.
- Current event articles clipped for school projects.
- Finally, a rolled up newspaper makes a fine rod of discipline for a wayward pet. I only had to roll the paper up and raise it above my head to stop my Boston Terrier from committing an offense such as chewing up a shoe.
We’re going to miss newsprint for many reasons beyond just reading the paper when its gone.
BONUS: If you’ve got other ways you’ve recommissioned old newspapers in the past, leave them in comments below.
This just in from my friend Josh O’Brien on an alternative use for old newspapers: “Another use: cleaning big mirrors or windows — much better than paper towels.”
Richard Mize (see above) added: “One more thing: I use three sheets of newsprint to light my charcoal chimney for grilling!”
Another alternative use from Steve Buck, my fellow Geezer on the 3 Old Geezers podcast. “paper mache.”
From David Yarbrough in Fort Smith, Ark: “Use as fly (or wasp) swatter, although not as ergonomically designed as plastic ones.”
One more from Linda Lynn: “Gift wrapping. And to protect table from kids’ art projects … and for art projects like collages and paper mache. We even used to create Christmas trees with newspaper.”
From Steve Barrymore: “I save mine all year then use as a weed barrier in the garden at planting time. I then cover it with mulch. Eliminates weeding.”
From Kathy Consbruck in Nebraska: “Mine go to the pet shelter. They line the kennels with them.”
From Phyllis Welsh Bennett: “A long time ago, I used strips of colored Sunday comics to make a chain to adorn a Christmas tree at The Oklahoman. Last week I gave a stack of old papers to someone needing it to pack glassware for a move. Each weekday I put my newspaper in the waiting area of the Teachers’ Retirement System. I’m told a lot of TRS members enjoy reading a paper newspaper!”
From LaRita Dawn Watson: “I save mine for my Dad to read since he lives outside the delivery area and won’t read the online version. I have used to clean windows and mirrors, and it works better than any cloth! I’ve used it in all the ways mentioned and will truly miss it when it’s gone. It feels good to turn the pages and read.”
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