It was dark when I went out to get my paper off the driveway this morning — yes, I still get newsprint delivered to me every day — and noticed there was ice on the windshield of the car.
So, I decided I should pull the windshield wipers up so that they won’t be stuck in place in should I need to drive later in the day.
The wipers clung to the windshield like the kid’s tongue to the flagpole in A Christmas Story. So the rubber squeegee part ripped into shreds. Arrgh!
All of which made me hate the month of February even more than normal.
In fact, as I brooded later, I decided to figure out which months of the year I dislike the most and why. Here’s what I came up with:
Most hated months from worst to first
No. 12: February — No explanation needed. See February 2021 for guidance.
No. 11: January — Other than a New Year’s Day holiday that gives us time to assess the damage Christmas spending caused us, January doesn’t offer much. Mostly cold and darkness with few redeeming values.
No. 10: November — We’re losing daylight and warmth, plus we’re plunging headfirst into the Christmas buying season. And Daylight Savings ends, throwing our internal clocks out of whack. Thanksgiving and the wonderful weekend of college football it brings is the only redemption.
No. 9: December: — I’ve told my wife for years that my favorite day of the year is December 26. Too much stress and pressure to enjoy Christmas properly. Redeeming value: days DO start inching longer with later sunsets after December 21.
No. 8: August: — Oppressive heat. Little rainfall. Only saved by baseball and the kickoff to the college football season late in the month. Redemption comes only with rare temperature break or thundershower.
No. 7: July — See August. Oppressive heat. Little rainfall. Plus, Fourth of July fireworks drive our Chihuahua up a wall. And KD dumped us on July 4th. Rarely do we get a break on temperatures or rainfall. A bright side: Big vacation month, plus NFL training camp begins and MLB All-Star game.
No. 6: June — June brought so much promise as a kid. Weeks at my Grandparents’ house. Church camp. Lying in the grass and making images out of clouds. Now it means anticipating two full months of oppressive heat. See July and August. However, June baseball holds my interest.
No. 5: May — Oppressive heat still not in full effect. Vacation season coming. Baseball season in full throttle. School ending. The lake beckons. Downside: Tornado season is in full bloom.
No. 4: March — Spring! We’re starting to see some warmth and daylight here. Baseball Spring Training fully under way. March Madness. We’re making the turn to a happier time. The bad news is the resumption of Daylight Savings, which throws our sense of time into disarray once again.
No. 3 September — NFL season kicks off, which means we have weekend days and nights covered by football. The oppressive heat breaks about the third week. Perfect outdoor walking weather. On the downside, days are noticeably shorter. And the State Fair, but I won’t hold that against the month.
No. 2: October — A glorious month, all in all. Football races shaping up. The World Series. NBA season tips off. Weather is cool but not cold. Leaves morph into beautiful colors, even here in central Oklahoma. Downside: winter’s coming.
No. 1: April — The absolute best month of the year. Opening Day. The Masters. Daily walks through the neighborhood. More daylight each day. The smell of a fresh mowed lawn. April showers. Warm weather with oppressive heat still a couple months away. Tell me what’s not to like