Tag: Christmas

Why I’m living the Hallmark Channel lifestyle

I realize that I’m putting my Man Card at risk for this, but I’m coming out of the closet on a lifestyle choice. I, ahem, watch Hallmark Channel movies. A lot.

I’m not sure when this all started, but I’m thinking sometime last year. My wife had it on a lot, so I would just sit down and watch with her.

Then I began tuning in for myself even when she wasn’t around. Now, it’s a daily habit.

I know there’s a lot of Hallmark Channel hate out there, and for good reason. Most of stories are predictable, full of cliches like that of the up-and-coming big city girl who goes back to her quaint Vermont hometown for Christmas and meets up with her long-ago high school crush. He’s wearing flannel and is an incredible boy scout, helping old ladies cross the street and doing repairs free of charge for anyone and everyone.

And there’s more, like no sex. Ever! And Christmas seems to last year-round in Hallmark land. New England has a lock on locations. We see the same leading actors over and over.

Then why am I watching? Here’s what keeps me there:

First, we have a 6-year old in the house who watches with us a lot. He gets wrapped up in the Hallmark stories, and it seems pretty age-appropriate to me.  He loves the weekly Hallmark mystery episode.

But the big draw for me is the sense that, ultimately, each Hallmark Channel movie is positive and upbeat. I’m looking to escape the violence and horror that the daily news routinely brings. That’s why I can’t bring myself to follow true-crime podcasts or shows with antiheroes like Breaking Bad.

It all wears me out.

Now, over the past couple of years, I have escaped the Hallmark Channel enough to watch each season of Ted Lasso all the way through — twice. But, Ted Lasso may be the most positive and upbeat show I’ve ever seen, although not nearly as predictable — or innocent — as Hallmark movies.

I know I’m not alone. I have a friend I’ll call “Ed” who also watches a lot of Hallmark Channel, although he recently told me that he can’t get into this year’s crop of movies.

Your loss, Ed.

Christmas season launched on the Hallmark Channel the first of October, and we’ve still got dozens of new movies to watch. What’s not to like? It’s New England at Christmas. Snowfall. Town Square. Christmas tree lighting. Pushy, micro-managing boss back in NYC. Bed and breakfast. Beautiful girl. Plenty of flannel.

I’m always there, ready to hope against hope that the lovely young starlet and her handsome would-be beau can finally admit they have a thing for each other and share a Hallmark kiss in the final minute of each episode.

OK, there, I admitted it. I’m hooked on Hallmark. Whew, the weight is off my shoulders.

Wait, where is my Man Card?

BONUS CONTENT:

Favorite female Hallmark actor: Lacy Chabert

Favorite male Hallmark actor: Paul Campbell

Favorite episode: Three Wise Men and a Baby is a favorite. Plus an episode I can’t recall the title for, but revolves around a young woman/attorney who sets out to save her parents’ mom-and-pop restaurant against destruction by big city developers.

Merry Christmas from the Family

The Stafford Christmas gathering in Fort Smith, Ark., December 2021

We’ve spent hours (and hours) listening to Christmas music since October, mainly because my wife keeps the radio on her car tuned to a local station that plays nothing but holiday tunes for two full months.

So, that means I’ve had the opportunity to hear plenty of Christmas songs that I love, as well as many that are total clunkers. But they still get airtime.

Here are a few of what I would call secular Christmas songs that are in heavy rotation, as they say in the biz, and what I love or hate about them.:

Happy Xmas (War is Over)

This is a total non-religious ode from John and Yoko to the hope that Christmas and the New Year bring the world. It’s become a favorite of mine over the years. I love the youthful voices in the choir. It’s played over and over throughout the season.


So this is Christmas and what have you done?
Another year over, a new one just begun.

And so this is Christmas,
I hope you have fun,
The near and the dear one
The old and the young

A very merry Christmas
And a happy new year,
Let’s hope it’s a good one
Without any fear

Little Saint Nick

Might as well tackle one that makes me cringe whenever I hear it. I don’t object to the first line as does my friend, Dan, but it’s like the Beach Boys brought surfer music to Christmas with this cringeworthy song. Yuck.


Christmas comes this time each year
Ooh, ooh

Well way up North where the air gets cold
There’s a tale about Christmas
That you’ve all been told
And a real famous cat all dressed up in red
And he spends the whole year workin’ out on his sled

It’s the little Saint Nick (little Saint Nick)
It’s the little Saint Nick (little Saint Nick)…

Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer

Yes, this is a total novelty song, but it cracks me up every time I hear it. Was it really Santa and his reindeer that whacked Grandma? Or perhaps Grandpa had a hand in the “accident?”


Grandma got run over by a reindeer
Walking home from our house Christmas eve
You can say there’s no such thing as Santa
But as for me and grandpa we believe…

Now we’re all so proud of grandpa
He’s been taking this so well
See him in there watching football
Drinking beer and playing cards with cousin Mel…

Let It Snow! Let It Snow! Let It Snow! (Dean Martin version)

This song brings images of Christmas cold and snow and being close to the one you love. Dean Martin brings a sort of smugness to the delivery of Let It Snow that appeals to me for some reason. Also, are there some comparisons to this song with “Baby, It’s Cold Outside,” another (slightly more controversial) song that Dean Martin sang as well?


Oh, the weather outside is frightful
But the fire is so delightful
Since we’ve no place to go
Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow

It doesn’t show signs of stopping
And I brought some corn for popping
The lights are turned down low
Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow

When we finally kiss goodnight
How I’ll hate going out in the storm
But if you’ll really hold me tight
All the way home I’ll be warm…

Baby It’s Cold Outside

I simply must go
Baby it’s cold outside
The answer is no
Baby it’s cold outside
The welcome has been
How lucky that you dropped in
So nice and warm
Look out the window at the storm
My sister will be suspicious
Gosh your lips look delicious…

You’re a Mean One, Mr. Grinch

Another novelty song that dates back to the ’60s, but I’m fascinated by the incredible number of insults the song makes to the foul Mr. Grinch. It’s in the regular rotation of the local Christmas music station.


You’re a mean one
You really are a heel
You’re as cuddly as a cactus
You’re as charming as an eel
Mr. Grinch, you’re a bad banana
Mr. Grinch, with the greasy black peel

You’re a vile one
You got termites in your smile
You have all the tender sweetness
Of a seasick crocodile…

Wonderful Christmastime

This is a huge departure from, say, Helter Skelter or Back in the USSR, for Paul McCartney. But his music has grown lighter and more sentimental since his Beatles days. This song is way overplayed on the local Christmas music station.

Wonderful Christmastime
The moon is right
The spirits up
We’re here tonight
And that’s enough
Simply havin’ a wonderful Christmastime
Simply havin’ a wonderful Christmastime

The party’s on
The feelin’s here
That only comes
This time of year
Simply havin’ a wonderful Christmastime
Simply havin’ a wonderful Christmastime…

I could go on and on about the dozens of secular Christmas songs that we hear all the time or have heard over the years. The Chipmunk Song, anyone? But I’ll end this with a few lines from a favorite of mine from Robert Earl Keen, because everyone has a big, messy family gathering over the Christmas holiday, right? (Disclaimer: alcohol plays no role in our family gatherings)

Merry Christmas from the Family

Mom got drunk and Dad got drunk
At our Christmas party
We were drinking champagne punch
And homemade egg-nog

Little sister brought her new boyfriend
He was a Mexican
We didn’t know what to think of him
‘Til he sang “Feliz Navidad, Feliz Navidad…

Fred and Rita drove from Harlingen
I can’t remember how I’m kin to them
But when they tried to plug their motor home in
They blew our Christmas lights

Cousin David knew just what went wrong
So we all waited out on our front lawn
He threw the breaker and the lights came on
And we sang “Silent Night, oh Silent Night”…

Merry Christmas from our family to yours.